Crucial Conversations: How to be Bold and Take Ownership of Your Actions

Joseph Grenny wrote a book called Crucial Conversations. Whether you are an eloquent speaker or you cringe at conflict, I felt his book had gems of practical information we all could benefit from.

I heard of this book through my book club with EntreLeadership. Alex Judd hosted a webinar where the author shared tips for successful conversations with our group. I enjoyed the topic so much I thought I would share some highlights and my favorite parts.

Overview

A crucial conversation is when there is a strong emotion, high stakes or opposing opinions. These conversations can be stressful, but instead of allowing fear or defensiveness gets in the way, there are things you can do to have a healthy dialog.

• In the heat of the moment, you don’t want to say something stupid! When it matters most, we tend to act our worst. Don’t look for excuses; rather, look for results!
• The biggest mistake people make is believing you can get away with avoiding the conversation. When you don’t speak up, it will come at a cost!

• The only person you can inspire, motivate, or change is the one in the mirror! Take ownership of your own role. Don’t look for excuses with others. How do you show up to the conversation?

• As a leader, you need to have your team give you feedback and feel safe in doing so. If people feel safe, they take risks and they speak up. Encourage people to challenge you. Be accessible and vulnerable.

What Do You Want?

In one of the 7 principles for mastering a crucial conversation, Start with Heart, Mr. Grenny reminded us not to give in to our emotions and make poor choices in the heat of the moment. It can be as simple as asking yourself, “what do I really want? What do I want for the other person? What do I want for the relationship?” When I asked myself these questions, it helped me narrow my focus on communicating well, achieving results, and my relationship with others–as opposed to focusing on my fears.

Check Your Motive

The author made a good point when he mentioned to check our motive when in a crucial conversation. Are we there to just be right, win the argument, punish the other person, or keep the peace? Bring a notebook to the meeting to remind yourself of the results you desire.

Shrink the Lag Time

If you care about the relationship, you will shrink the lag time to having that crucial conversation. So many times we procrastinate or don’t speak up. The longer you wait, the worse it may get.

Contrasting Statements

If you are having trouble explaining yourself, use contrasting statements, like, “I did not mean to…” . Or something like, “This is going to sound harsh, but I don’t mean to…” Phrasing your thoughts this way can actually put someone at ease.

Healthy Conversation

When two people finish their dialog, they understand what the other thinks, feels, and has experienced. Mr. Greeny says that you should not expect everyone to agree with you when you follow these steps. High quality decisions can be a result of a meaningful conversation where the best information is shared.

These tips can be used not only in a business situation, but also with family or anyone you are struggling to communicate with.